Delayed Reaction??? (the last "Take")

This is the mystery of the past 3 1/2 weeks...

Where on Earth are these tears coming from??

Is it some kind of delayed reaction to the "trauma" of 2 surgeries in so short a time?  At first, I hadn't thought that the ovaries had been cut, so I kept thinking that it couldn't be the same as after the laparotomy 3 years ago.  Or could it??  I guess they did have some difficulty separating the left ovary from the wall of the pelvis.  The ovary "encountered a fairly significant laceration" during the course of the procedure, which had to be repaired (stitched).  I've also begun to wonder about the process of general anesthetic.  They administer a mix of drugs that, in essence, puts you into a medically-induced coma.  At the same time, it's not as if you are brain dead...  You may not remember...  But does your BODY?  Does your BRAIN (your SUB-conscious) remember??

Could it be 8+ years of a particular emptiness...  catching up with me?  Is it a grief delayed??

Wherever these tears came from, they are here now and they seem determined to challenge my recovery...

Praised be Jesus Christ!!

Delayed reaction??? (Take 3)

Sorry I've had to break up these blog posts.  I do hope you will understand more clearly (as well as understand the name I've chosen for them) by the time I've published the last "Take."

Well, the surgery was 5 hours long - the first 2 1/2 spent cutting and sewing (so to speak) and the last 2 1/2 spent on "adhesion prevention measures."

Fast forward through 2 days in the hospital and 8 more days of healing up at our "home away from home" in the big city and we found ourselves back at the hospital for another laparoscopy, this one to remove the Gore-Tex and see how much healing had taken place.

So...

What did they find??

I love one of the first lines on the preliminary post-op report:  "First of all, there were no abdominal adhesions."  Now please allow me to translate for my very professional surgeon...

WooHoo!  NO abdominal adhesions!!  :)

The right ovary and fallopian tube were clear of adhesions ("completely free and mobile")!  Unfortunately, a portion of the lower intestine had adhered itself - of all things - to the Gore-Tex,  but as the doctor made clear to us later when we reviewed the video...  Think about what would have happened if the Gore-Tex had not been there.  (In my opinion, the decision to both irrigate with antibiotics and wrap the organs was absolutely an answer to prayer!)  The intestine was freed and the Gore-Tex removed.  I should add my own commentary here (as I watched the Gore-Tex being removed)...  "That looks SO healthy!"  Again according to the post-op report, some adhesions from the left fallopian tube to the left ovary remain.  The thought is that they may be  leftover from the robot-assisted procedure.  I tend to agree.  After all, the left side was definitely the problem side.  Dye would not pass through the left tube, but this was thought to be the result of where I was at in my cycle that day.  The right tube appeared very healthy and dye passed through easily.  Before closing, they irrigated one more time, then added another "slurry" to help prevent adhesions.

Aside from the healing of infection, there is one thing that I'd like to ask special prayers for...  The left ovary appeared somewhat enlarged and had a hemorrhagic cyst on it.  I find this unusual because I can normally feel such a cyst.  In fact, the pain (usually lower back pain) lasts for quite some time and I am normally aware of when the cyst resolves (whether with appropriate hormonal help or, sometimes, rupture).  In this situation, as I've shared with Dr. H, I have not felt the left ovary in a years.  To my eye, the left ovary did not look good.  The cyst looked like it might be rather old (for lack of a better description).  Dr. H does not share my concern and believes that the function of that ovary can and may return...

Not long before surgery, a dear friend looked at me one evening (as I was lamenting the possibility of losing that ovary altogether) and asked a question that I have struggled with ever since...  "Can you let go...?"  If a decision is made to remove that ovary, can you let it go and trust God??  My head says, "Yes," but my heart is struggling...

PLEASE pray that the left ovary will HEAL!  

Or...  If it is God's will that healing does NOT occur, PLEASE pray that I will have the courage to let it go and trust in Him!!

(to be continued)

Praised be Jesus Christ!!

Delayed reaction??? (Take 2)

We also discussed the benefits and drawbacks to a robot-assisted procedure.  My concerns were - in particular - that the mass of adhesions on my left side might make it too difficult to use the robot (as I understand that too many adhesions can bring about the need to transition to an open laparotomy - too difficult to safely identify the anatomy obscured by those adhesions, I guess) and the potential for "collateral damage."  Even as the robot may have exceptional (3D) vision, it does have the drawback - or so I've read - of lacking the peripheral vision that the human eye affords.  Dr. H still seemed most comfortable with the robot-assisted procedure, but assured us that he would review the video from my March ('12) laparoscopy and talk with us the day before surgery to make a final decision.

In the end, I trust Dr. H and told him as much.  He thanked me for that trust.

(In my heart, I kept hearing the voice of a good friend who has reminded me many times that I need to pray for Dr. H, trust in the gifts God has given him and KNOW that it will be Jesus - the Divine Physician - who will be my surgeon.)

***

Flash forward to the eve of a long-awaited surgery...  

Receiving Jesus in the Sacraments before departing on our long journey west had been a peaceful turning point in my struggle with the nerves of facing another surgery.  

Seeing Nina at the hospital's pre-eval clinic that morning had been both a welcome encounter with someone I've grown to trust and admire and a bit unsettling (as she explained how she was both happy - and sad - to see me back again).  Leaving the hospital in style - sporting my brand new, green wristband that would serve as my life blood (every pun intended) should I need a transfusion the next day - and with strict instructions not to remove it, my husband and I zipped down the road to the Institute for an ultrasound and our pre-op appointment with Dr. H.  Our questions now asked - and with the doctor's certainty about the robot-assist - we returned to the hotel knowing that the morning would come too soon.

***

They said I wouldn't remember what I experienced in the O.R., but I remember more from this surgery than any other I've experienced.  I guess the anesthesiologist finally found the right mix because I would (later) wake up much earlier than in past surgeries and (Praised be Jesus Christ!) have NO migraine!  :)

***

So what did they do??  

Removed adhesions...  a lot of adhesions...  and endometriosis.  From the looks of the post-op report, I have a few more stitches than planned.  Left ovary, pelvic wall, abdominal wall, right fallopian tube...  a stitch in the uterus where a fibroid was removed.  A Gore-Tex "anti-adhesion membrane" was put in place to protect the organs as the healing process began and...

The entire area was irrigated with antibiotics!

(to be continued...)

Praised be Jesus Christ!!